I got to thinking about self-centeredness. Someone recently told me that I was self-centered. Not a stranger, someone close to. And you know what? It really hurt my feelings. Like, really, really hurt my feelings. Why would this person think that? I spend plenty of time devoting myself to others, but I also have “me” time. And shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t everyone? I am twenty-five years old; I don’t have children to worry about and I am unmarried. Why can’t I devote time to myself? This person who told me this made it seem like I was self-centered because I was focused on my career. Yes, I want to be a writer. It’s been my dream since age 11. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I work damn hard every day to make this dream come true. That absolutely does not make me self-centered. That is driven.

So why didn’t this person understand the difference? I am not quite sure. But I hope this person does now. I am not self-centered because I don’t want to have a family immediately. I am not self-centered because I want to follow my dreams. I have to work hard every day, and if that means putting other things on hold for a while, so be it. But I am not self-centered because of it. Do not ever tell a hard-working person he/she is selfish because you don’t understand their goals. That is awful. And just disrespectful.

Follow your heart, always, be a good person, and don’t let naysayers get you down. That will just crush your dreams. You know what’s right. Just ignore that noise. It takes practice, but you can do it.

Hello readers. I am checking in. I’ve been away for quite some time for a reason I hope you’ll understand. My first novel, “These Four Years: Freshman Year” is scheduled to be released this December. It’s been quite the long and arduous process getting it ready, but I am so excited. There’s no better feeling than this. I am a Booktrope author and hope that you’ll buy it, on Amazon, Kindle, Barnes & Noble! More details coming soon. Thanks for reading, as always.

I got to thinking about heroism. What makes you a hero? Is it an act? Does it have to be unselfish? And who can proclaim that you’re a hero? Can you? Would you let yourself be a hero? Or would you just brush it off and step out of the spotlight? Could I be heroic if need be? Would I step up? Would you? If I didn’t, does that make me the anti-hero? Or simply, a coward? I think being heroic is brave, stressful. But I do believe that we all could step up if need be. We all have the ability to be heroic. We just have to find it in ourselves. So find it. And when you’re in a situation that forces you to be heroic, take it. That’s how life is lived.

I got to thinking about ambition. What does ambition mean? What does ambition look like? I always thought ambition was about going after what you want. Ambition is doing the best possible thing for yourself, and fighting for it every day. Do you have to work a desk job, or something society recognizes as conventional, to be ambitious? Does it mean you’re not ambitious if you don’t want a conventional desk job? I think people look at me, as an aspiring writer, and think, ‘that’s nice.’ They don’t think I have ambition. But they’re wrong. I work hard almost every day, fighting to be a writer, for that’s the only way my dream will come true. I’ve probably been through deeper waters than the average person. I’ve been rejected and tortured and so down on myself. But I haven’t given up. You know why? I have ambition. Just because I don’t want a traditional job doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious. And I won’t let anyone EVER tell me I’m not ambitious because I don’t have the same goals as the rest of society.

I got to thinking about sleep. There are those who believe sleep is for the weak, a waste of time if over five hours a night. There are also those who believe sleep is the most luxurious, wonderful part of the day. I’m proudly part of the latter group. I relish sleep. There’s nothing more satisfying than lying your head on a pillow after a long day. Sleep replenishes stamina and ability to get through a long day. How could that be a waste of time? Studies I’ve read over the years as a hypochondriac say that most adults need 7 to 8 hours each night. Go read a study if you don’t believe me! In addition to that medical information WedMD spouts, sleep is a place to dream. Dreams capture your true self, and how could that be unproductive? Dreams allow us to escape to a place we wouldn’t otherwise; dreams make us believe in the future. That’s not a waste of life. Go sleep; sleep for hours. And savor every minute. Sleep is worth everything.

I got to thinking about getting in trouble. I’ve always been afraid of getting in trouble, doing the wrong thing. I am notoriously into rules and following authority. In elementary school, there were yellow cards and red cards. My goody-two-shoes nature helped me stray from the card system. I couldn’t face the humiliation of getting in trouble. While that certainly isn’t a bad thing, it also gets in the way of every day things that happen without warning. What am I talking about? Cavities.

I always thought that people who got cavities didn’t take care of their teeth. I’m obsessed with my straight (created by the miracle that are braces) teeth. I work hard to keep my chompers clean and white. I follow every rule WebMD has on preventing cavities. And guess what? My worst nightmare came true: I have a cavity. I feel like I just got a red card by my fifth grade teacher. I did something bad. How could I do this to myself? Could I have prevented it? Probably not. I really did do everything right. It’s just inevitable for most of us. But I never wanted to be ‘most of us.’ That’s another nightmare. Regularity is boring and just not for me. And here I am: REGULAR. I blame myself for this cavity. To be honest, I want to cry my eyes out when I think of what I’ve done. I got in trouble by the dentist. And I can’t go back. This red card is following me for the rest of my life…

I got to thinking about making decisions together, with your spouse or partner. I recently overheard a phone conversation in which a husband was stupefied to hear that his wife had adopted a dog… much to his dismay and without his consent. He told her he was very upset and wouldn’t be walking the dog EVER. I can’t say I blame him. Not that I don’t want a dog, I love dogs dearly, but I wouldn’t want my partner to make that decision without me. Isn’t that a decision you make together? Shouldn’t you lean on your partner? Is it a partnership without agreement and deciding things together? Is it ever okay to make a huge life decision without consulting your partner? Is getting a dog without consent grounds for divorce? What would you do? How would you deal with it?

I got to thinking about waiting. As in, waiting for your life to happen. Why do we wait around and expect things to happen to us? Can we expect things to happen automatically, with minimal effort? Shouldn’t we go after what we want? We should, we should, we should! Going after what you want is the only way to get what you want. You can’t wait around, expecting life to hand you everything. Sometimes life does, but most of the time, life isn’t that generous. It’s you who has to turn it all around and make the change. You have to put in effort. You have to fight for a change. And when you do, you’ll be rewarded greatly. So what are you waiting for?

I got to thinking about learning experiences. There’s nothing more important in this life than to have lived, and to have learned. Sometimes we don’t enjoy an experience; sometimes we can’t wait for the next one. But if we stop and look around, we might learn something. We have to find the good, the lesson in everything. We can learn from even those experiences that make us cringe, those that make us cry. What have you learned recently? Have you stopped and actually taken in your experiences? Do so. There’s a lesson in everything. You have to find it. Why? Life is about learning, growing. How can you possibly move forward to another experience without having learned from the previous one? You must learn in order to leave an experience behind. So leave the experience behind, with the memories and lessons you can entwine in your brain forever.

I got to thinking about making it better. Are you unhappy? Is your life not going quite the way you envisioned it would? Do you feel restless, desperate, wishing for something greater? Sometimes I do. I get the feeling. I’m not exactly where I thought I’d be four years ago. And maybe that’s okay. I have time. I can achieve my dreams and goals in due time. But in the meantime, I will strive to make my life better. I’ll do whatever possible to find happiness in the every day. I can make the mundane better. And when I have everything I want, I’ll be grateful for it all.