Resilience

I got to thinking about resilience. Society always says, “Kids are so resilient.” And maybe that is true. I couldn’t tell you either way. I hope it is true. But why don’t we say this about adults? Are adults not resilient? What if adults go through something horrific, do we, as society, not believe they’ll overcome it, too? Isn’t that cynical? Shouldn’t all of us be resilient? Or are adults too stuck in their ways to be resilient? Can we not change?

I was thinking about this because I was wondering about my own resilience. I think I could be more resilient. I think I tend to stray from change and from anything that will make me feel the stillness of trauma. Not that most of us want either. So I am slowly learning how to be resilient, how to not let things or people bother me. I can let go. I can release those feelings and be resilient. I don’t need the negativity; I simply need the control. It just takes time and practice. And maybe it doesn’t for kids. I am so envious of that. But discovering more and more about myself is what will get me there. In time.

The High Highs and the Low Lows

I got to thinking about the highs and lows of life. Why do we celebrate the highs and hide the lows? Are we afraid of the vulnerability? Are we afraid of being seen? I know that I am. I don’t want others to see the sadness, the hurt, the anger. Who would want that? But maybe that’s exactly what we should do.(I think this is why I am an Instagram-hating millennial… a rare breed!)

This year has been so interesting for me. I have celebrated several highs. But those fantastic highs have been coupled with disastrous lows. And it’s heartbreaking. We don’t talk about mental health enough. We don’t talk about the lows enough. So here I am. I have had lows this year, as well as life-changing highs. And I don’t think either are over yet. My mental health is a roller coaster, desperately searching for the steady track. And that’s okay. I am not afraid. Or, at least I try to not be afraid most days. We all have those lows. It’s okay. I am okay. Maybe today will be a high day, even if previous days have been low days. That is the hope. That is the goal.

I don’t deserve this

I recently heard this: “I don’t deserve this. But it’s happening anyway.” What a poignant, and fitting to my life, thing to say. Well, I mean, this could probably fit into most of our lives, right? There are so many things in life that we cannot control. We cannot control people either. Yet, things happen. People happen. Life happens. And we get upset. We cry. There’s some joy sprinkled in there, too. Hopefully.

Maybe we don’t deserve something that’s happening to us. But it happens. We have to learn how to deal with it, how to cope. Is that even possible sometimes? I am not sure. But it has to be. We can’t have everything work out perfectly all the time, right?

I am changing it: “I don’t deserve this. It’s happening, though. And I will deal with it how I see fit.”

What do you think?

Quote on Selfishness

I recently discovered this quote, thanks to a sub I follow in Reddit. And it’s so applicable to my life right now that it made me smile. Thanks, Oscar. 🙂

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live. Selfishness is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” —Oscar Wilde

A poem I wrote in my MFA program

Control It!

Her slipper won’t fit. Her slipper won’t fit. THAT STUPID GLASS SHOE CANNOT FIT HER MANGY FEET. She’s locked in the attic—where she rightly belongs. Her slipper won’t fit. She won’t get out of those deadbolts. I know it. She’s with those disgusting mice. She’s locked away. She’s gone. I disposed of her raggedly hair and sooty body ever so humanely.

I have to control the narrative.

Anastasia and Drizella need everything there is in this disruptive world. They need it more than that blonde with a broom. We will be poverty-ridden without the prince. Where will we get our food? How will the farm carry on? The shoe has to fit those manly girls of mine. Either will do. Why can’t Anastasia have smaller feet? What is wrong with Drizella and her nails-on-a-chalkboard laugh? Why are they so bulky? Why is Cinderella so beautiful? I hate her delicate features. Those blue eyes! I hate her perfect waltz. She is not taking this from us. Never.

I have to control the narrative.

Thank You

I got to thinking about Thank Yous. What is your “thank you” policy? Do you say it aloud? Do you call someone? Text? Do you write a thank you card? Or maybe all of the above?

I always call and/or text. And I write a thank you card. And somehow, I am in the minority. It’s so odd! Is it old school to write and mail a card? It seems to be. In fact, I am the only person my age who does that. I have never–outside of wedding gifts–received a handwritten thank you card from someone under the age of 55. Why is this? Are thank you cards a dying art? If so, this makes me sad. I think it is wonderful–and the utmost grateful–to write a thank you note, as well as receive one.

What do you think?

I’m getting married!

Hello all! I am getting married in 5 days. It’s so surreal. I think most girls think about their wedding days for years. I haven’t, at least not really, but I have been thinking about it constantly since getting engaged in March 2017. It has taken over my life. Sometimes it has not been pleasant. But the end game is what I want: to marry my soul mate. I cannot wait for us to be “official.” It’s been a long time coming. And I am ready. Mostly.

Anyone have any last minute tips for a jittery bride?

Yearning

I got to thinking about yearning. Yearning for more, yearning for something different. I have this romantic notion that packing up and leaving everything would please me. I want to experience new things; I want a different life than this existence I am currently in. I tell my almost-husband all the time that we should pack up and move to Europe (Iceland, preferably). If it weren’t for visas, and you know, money, I think we would. I hope to one day do this with him. I hope to one day stop yearning for a world other than my own. I want to experience everything in this life. Is that too much to ask? I do not think so. It’s a desired life, that’s what it is. And as I write this, it is my 28th birthday. I may still be young, but I have yet to see all that I want to see. So, here I am, yearning.

What are you yearning for?

Progressive Views

I got to thinking about progressive views. Why are these sometimes considered controversial? Why are people around us afraid to think differently? Why are people scared to see the world in another lens?

I have a lot of progressive views. One of these views is looking at veganism in a positive and moral light. One of these is not changing my name after marriage. I have others, but let’s just start there. Why am I looked at differently for thinking differently? Shouldn’t we be celebrating differences? Maybe these differences will help you change your tune? Maybe these differences can create real change.

I find that people are scared of progressive views and unwilling to change. It breaks my heart. Life isn’t about what happened years ago. Things change. Life changes. And that is okay. While we don’t have to feed into all progressive views, it doesn’t hurt to give them a chance. Think about it. Ponder it. And maybe your entire world would change for the better, open up.

And wouldn’t that be quite nice? So maybe do this… give things a chance.