I got to thinking about defense mechanisms. There are times when we put our walls up. Sometimes we cannot handle the pitfalls in our lives’. Sometimes we hurt those we love because we are too afraid of getting hurt. We pick fights instead of letting those we love in. But these defense mechanisms just get in the way. It is merely a softer term for stubborn or immature. We cannot love with walls up. We cannot grow when we guard ourselves from everything. We must lose the defense mechanisms. Pride is much less important when compared to developing and keeping a relationship.

I got to thinking about personalities. Can we ever fully understand those with clashing personalities? Do we want to understand? And if we do, how can we mesh together, without incessant arguments? Or is it ever possible? Will we always have to bite our tongues around those we cannot agree with? I’ve come to realize that we won’t agree with half of what other people say, but finding harmony and balance between agreeing and disagreeing is essential. Sometimes we nod our heads and sometimes we fight for our beliefs. It is all about the time and place and person. Choose your battles wisely.

I got to thinking about running. No, not the satirical thing some call exercise. This kind of running comes from our loneliest thoughts. Sometimes we run away from feelings because it’s easier than putting our hearts out there. We run to escape pain. We run to find something more. We run because we’re afraid someone will find out who we are before we do. And sometimes this running will save us. We may find out who we are. But always know this: running will not solve those things lost in our hearts. We cannot run to avoid. We must run to liberate, and only when liberation must be sought.

I got to thinking about the things we don’t understand. For those cynically-inclined, we fear the things we cannot fathom. For those who tend to see the glass half full, we search for answers to the things we don’t understand. And it is only in this spirit when we can fully know how to accept those things we may understand after a long journey or may never come to understand. Sometimes the answers cannot be understood. And that is okay.

I got to thinking about death. Even though my mood can be “emo,” I am not talking about death in a morbid sense. I am merely trying to understand why death is sometimes more immediate for a 50-year-old than a 90-year-old. How can this be? Why does God choose to take those who still have tons of life ahead, like walking a daughter down the aisle? I’m not sure this concept can be understood. I would like to say that with the death of a loved one comes acceptance, but I would be lying. And I can’t do that. So in this time of mourning, hug those around you. Love them with everything you have. Death is sometimes sneaky.

I got to thinking about Ben Affleck. Today is his 40th birthday! For those of you who know me well acknowledge my love for Ben Affleck. And this is no ordinary love. This love has been since 1997, the year of Good Will Hunting and the year Ben Affleck’s truly eloquent writing skills entered into the public realm. One day I hope to be just as an amazing and published writer as he. After all, I have much to say! So here’s to Ben Affleck. Happy birthday! I will always celebrate. And you should, too!

I got to thinking about summer. There’s something magical about the summer season. This was the season I looked forward to most as a child. I was free from the boredom of school, the incredible amount of rain that winter and spring always brings, and I finally could enjoy some delicious fruit. I still love summer. Living in Los Angeles, summer is definitely less exciting, given the sunny and warm nature of the city year-round. The fascination with summer, though, will never cease. It is the season of weddings, tank tops, and swimming in the nearest lake. My favorite part about summer? That feeling at dusk when the air is still warm and a jacket isn’t necessary. That’s what makes summer truly memorable and lovely.

I got to thinking about distance versus silence. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that there isn’t a difference. There’s a huge difference. Distance is difficult. The feeling of being separated from those you love, for whatever reason, makes us stronger. Distance can give us clarity and confidence; distance can show us where we belong. But most of all, distance always brings
us back. Silence, however, is a demon in itself. Silence begins when we let go of someone or something. We separate ourselves to make things better. Sometimes we do not choose this silence, though. Silence ceases all things, changes all things. With distance, we can always go back. But with silence, we are changed forever. The moral of the story: don’t confuse distance with silence. Silence wreaks havoc upon all of our relationships; distance forces us to realize what we want.

I got to thinking about life experiences. Do we not have enough life experience until we are in
old age? At what point in life can say that our life experiences have made us who we are, have
defined us? Or can we ever? Must we go through something traumatic in order to garner life
experiences? Can those who live charmed and sheltered lives ever gain true life experience? I
am under the firm notion that life experience is based on how we see the world, what we do with
our time here. We do not need to be middle aged to understand the world. We must observe and
watch and write it all down. Seeing the world through others can be just as impacting.