I got to thinking about knowing what is a dream. I know that I’m late to the game, but I recently finished Dawson’s Creek
. I loved it: the angst, the drama, the love. Dawson said: “I know it’s a child’s dream. And that’s how I know it’s real. It’s what I wanted to do before I was scared and cynical.” This really resonated with me. I knew I wanted to be a writer at age 11. This was before I was scared to face the fear of failing, the fear of being judged by this sometimes cruel world. I went after my dreams, anyway, allowing writing to consume my time, and have never looked back. Sure, I find myself afraid and cynical now from time to time, but I try to keep that in check. I try to be that child I once was and allow for my dreams to blossom. What is a dream without hope?
I got to thinking about this quote by Ernest Hemingway: “Write hard and clear about what hurts.”It’s like he knows exactly why I write. I write to escape pain, I write to feel happiness, and I write simply because it makes me joyful. There’s no better place to go to therapy than writing it down, in your own words, on your own terms. Do you write about what hurts? If you do, do it fully. Don’t worry about what others think. This is your catharsis. This is everything.
I got to thinking about recovery. How long does it take to recover, from medical issues, from breakups, from losing someone you love? Do you ever really recover? I’d believe you do. I recently had gum graft surgery. My gums are receding and there’s nothing I can do to stop it (blame braces and thin gums). Thus, I am twenty-five and having a procedure more common in those decades older than me. The recovery hasn’t been awful, but it hasn’t been ideal (is recovery ever ideal, though?). I feel like there’s gauze in my mouth at all times. It’s awkward and uncomfortable and hurts to smile. Plus, when I talk, my mouth barely opens and makes a sound that even I don’t recognize. Not my best looking time.
However, this recovery has made me realize that even though I have medical issues that a twenty-five year old usually doesn’t have, I’m lucky that it’s not worse. It could be much, much worse. I won’t even go into that. So, as I sit on the couch watching endless dramas (watching a comedy requires smiling, which kills my mouth) and drink boring banana smoothies, I remember that my recovery is almost over (in total, about 4 weeks). And maybe I’ll have another problem sooner rather than later. But if I’m lucky enough to have to minimal medical issues in my life, I am lucky enough.
So count your lucky stars.