I got to thinking about knowing. How do you know? Is it something your heart speaks so eloquently… you just fall? Is it something that speaks to your thoughts, your mind? Is it innate? Does it make you question everything? Do you change your life for it, once you know? Or do you stay the same, pushing the idea slowly into the oblivion? I think you just know. It’s something you cannot fight. You cannot tell yourself it’s wrong, even if you walk away. It’s there. And you just know.

I got to thinking about what everybody else thinks. I don’t really care. I never really have. I won’t say that I break the rules often or start an argument with those who don’t see things the way I do, but I also couldn’t care less what everybody else thinks. I have been this way as long as I can remember, doing things the way I see fit. Everyone claims to not worry what everybody else thinks, but I really don’t. Of course I want those whom I love to love me; of course I sought validation as a student, and am still seeking validation as a writer. And as a writer, I’ve had to develop a thick skin. But I know that great things will happen to me someday. I know that my writing is good. And I am not conceited; I am proud of my work. And you know what? I don’t care what everybody else thinks. I care what I think, and that will bring everybody else on board.

I got to thinking about looking for trouble. We avoid situations because we worry it’ll be troublesome. Sometimes we seek out danger just to feel the rush. And sometimes, we look for trouble simply because we are bored. What I have found is that there is a balance of trouble. We shouldn’t seek out danger because there is nothing else.We should seek out those troublesome situations that might garner a payoff.  And if we are so lucky, we might be greeted at the end of the long, winding road with a reward. That’s when you should look for trouble.

I got to thinking about decisions. We have our own minds’. Why do we decide certain things? Is this based on how we were raised? Or simply nature? Is it possible that it’s both? Why are our decisions different? And why can’t we understand that? Making a decision that someone close to us doesn’t agree with sparks arguments, tension. We can’t seem to fathom why this person wouldn’t listen to us. We think they’re idiots, obviously. While they might be idiotic sometimes, most of the time it is just difference of opinion. That’s what keeps things interesting, so I have found.

I got to thinking about taking the long way. I’ve never really been conventional. I’ve never really wanted what my peers around me have wanted. The easy way has almost been non-existent in my life. I take my time and figure out what is best for me. Slowly and carefully. And I’ve made my peace with that. I never seem to do it like everybody else. Quite frankly, I don’t want to be like anybody else. I can take the long way. It may not be the conventional way, or the way those around me expect, but it’s my way. It’s the way that makes me happy; it’s the way that I’ll accomplish all of my dreams. I just know it. Have a little faith in me. I will get there. In due time…. taking the long way.

I got to thinking about this. I am not ready to make nice, in the oh-so eloquent words of the Dixie Chicks. Sometimes we can’t make up. Sometimes we can’t forgive. We might try to forget, but that might be the end of it. But the most powerful thing we can do is move on. If we aren’t willing to forgive, we have to forget. We don’t have to be nice; we have to be courteous and poised. But we certainly don’t have to let our hearts go anywhere our heads are telling us to run from. We don’t always have to make nice. But also, don’t be “mad as hell” forever.

I got to thinking about pushing away dreams. Most of us do this; we seek the easier, safer route. We let go of our dreams because people tell us we can’t make it into a future. And we listen. We fall into a hole of doubt because those people have our best interests at heart. Right? Absolutely not. We control our future. We shouldn’t listen to anything but our own hearts. If we don’t follow our dreams, we will be left with regret. No one else will have these regrets. No one else will hate their jobs as much as we do. We must take a chance, even if everyone else is telling us no. Don’t push away the dream. Always follow your heart. If you’re destined for greatness, you will reach it.

I got to thinking about suffocating. There are days I feel like life is swallowing me whole; there are days where I feel carefree and believe anything can happen. But the former days make me feel like suffocating. I feel as if I cannot get out of the situation; I feel I am in limbo. Does the suffocating ever stop? Will those carefree days become few and far between? I worry that I will be suffocating for awhile. It’s the end of the suffocation that I look forward to. And I know that day is imminent; I have faith. I must be patient.

I got to thinking about an ordinary life. Most of us lead these: 9 to 5 jobs, getting married, having children, dying with our spouses, and everything else in between. While this ordinary life is fulfilling to most, I wouldn’t say it would be for me. I want something more. I want to go down in history as an acclaimed writer. I want people to know and remember my name. This is not to say I don’t want these ordinary things, but I surely want something more. I have never done anything the conventional way, and I don’t plan on starting now. I won’t be ordinary. I refuse it. I will achieve my dreams. And you know why? I can’t possibly imagine not.