I got to thinking about the American Dream. This dream, that our country has sought out for centuries, is a combination of ambition, love, and hope. The ambition comes from working so diligently that you become exhausted and questioning. The love comes from something deep within your soul that cannot be turned down even if you fought against it. The hope is the inkling of faith you carry around, knowing that someday, your American Dream will come true. For me, this is writing. The American Dream is becoming a famous novelist. My ambition, love, and hope will fuel this dream every day without fault.

I got to thinking about approval. Why do we seek each other’s approval? Do we want it? Or do we need it? I have become wise to the notion that approval isn’t always necessary. We can do everything possible to get others to approve; sometimes, it just doesn’t happen. Approval is about changing who you are to get someone to like you. And you shouldn’t have to do that. Be yourself. Then go from there. If you get approval, that’s wonderful. If not, move on.

I got to thinking about family dynamics. There are those families you’d love to watch from afar, just to see how they treat each other when no one else is watching. There are those families you’d love to combine with your own. And there are those families you’d rather run from faster than can be. I love watching family dynamics. There are no two families alike. I grew up in a structured, loving environment. I always thought that was how everyone lived. It wasn’t until recently that I realized there are different ways to grow a family. And there isn’t really a wrong way (even if I am biased, and believe the way I was brought up is the best). The only thing you have to get right, I’ve come to learn, is love. Family dynamics must create love.

“I think it happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve know forever don’t see things the way you do. And so you keep the wonderful memories, but you find yourself moving on. It’s perfectly normal.” -Nicholas Sparks

I got to thinking about optimism. How am I going to be an optimist about this? How can I look for the silver lining? I don’t see it; I don’t expect to see it. And what if I can’t ever see clearly again? What am I going to do? It will change my life. And I don’t need that. I can’t handle it. I’ve been here before. I won’t go down that road again. How am I going to be an optimist about this?

I got to thinking about stories. Some stories stay with us for days. Some stories stay with us for years. But the most important stories stay with us forever. These are the stories we find inspiring, heartwarming, breathtaking. These are the stories that ease comfort into our hearts’, no matter what the day. Most of all, these are the stories that we live out, knowing that they will later cling to our souls with a sense of knowledge and love. And that’s the most important story of all. That’s what we’re supposed to remember.

I got to thinking about Disney. Disney films portray life as poetic and magical. Unfortunately, life isn’t like Disney fairy tales. Life isn’t easy. Why can’t we live a life like those characters we love in Disney films? Why can’t we get our Prince Charming? Why can’t we achieve all of our dreams? I think that we can. In time. We first have to believe in our dreams. Then we can wish upon a star and go after those dreams. Believe that you can do something, and you can.

I got to thinking about incessant worrying. I worry about everything. I worry about my cell phone not being charged for the duration of the day; I worry about my parents; I worry about my happiness and my sadness; I worry about how life will be ten years from now; I worry about if I’ll make a good parent; I worry about shark attacks; I worry about life. And I can’t stop. It’s like a disease. I have this need to fulfill everything instantly. And if I can’t, I worry. How does it stop? Can it stop? Will I let it stop?

I got to thinking about failure. We don’t like to talk about failure. We don’t like to solicit the things that don’t work out. But for the sake of honestly, I will. I recently didn’t get a job that I really wanted, and that I thought I would be good at. And you know what? I’m devastated. I feel like a failure. I feel like there are so many opportunities out there that seem so unattainable. But I won’t give up. This is just a stepping stone. I’m sad and confused and anxiety-ridden, but I won’t give up on finding the place for me. I can’t. I can’t go from failure to failure.

I got to thinking about college graduation. I graduate from college tomorrow. It’s so surreal; I still feel like the nervous freshman walking onto campus without any friends. But it’s bittersweet. Part of me is ready to move on, while the other part of me doesn’t want to let go. I’ve learned and I’ve grown in college, and for that, I will never be the same. I just need to remind myself that there is an exciting world outside of college. All I have to do is embrace it.