I got to thinking about optimism. How am I going to be an optimist about this? How can I look for the silver lining? I don’t see it; I don’t expect to see it. And what if I can’t ever see clearly again? What am I going to do? It will change my life. And I don’t need that. I can’t handle it. I’ve been here before. I won’t go down that road again. How am I going to be an optimist about this?

I got to thinking about stories. Some stories stay with us for days. Some stories stay with us for years. But the most important stories stay with us forever. These are the stories we find inspiring, heartwarming, breathtaking. These are the stories that ease comfort into our hearts’, no matter what the day. Most of all, these are the stories that we live out, knowing that they will later cling to our souls with a sense of knowledge and love. And that’s the most important story of all. That’s what we’re supposed to remember.

I got to thinking about Disney. Disney films portray life as poetic and magical. Unfortunately, life isn’t like Disney fairy tales. Life isn’t easy. Why can’t we live a life like those characters we love in Disney films? Why can’t we get our Prince Charming? Why can’t we achieve all of our dreams? I think that we can. In time. We first have to believe in our dreams. Then we can wish upon a star and go after those dreams. Believe that you can do something, and you can.

I got to thinking about incessant worrying. I worry about everything. I worry about my cell phone not being charged for the duration of the day; I worry about my parents; I worry about my happiness and my sadness; I worry about how life will be ten years from now; I worry about if I’ll make a good parent; I worry about shark attacks; I worry about life. And I can’t stop. It’s like a disease. I have this need to fulfill everything instantly. And if I can’t, I worry. How does it stop? Can it stop? Will I let it stop?

I got to thinking about failure. We don’t like to talk about failure. We don’t like to solicit the things that don’t work out. But for the sake of honestly, I will. I recently didn’t get a job that I really wanted, and that I thought I would be good at. And you know what? I’m devastated. I feel like a failure. I feel like there are so many opportunities out there that seem so unattainable. But I won’t give up. This is just a stepping stone. I’m sad and confused and anxiety-ridden, but I won’t give up on finding the place for me. I can’t. I can’t go from failure to failure.

I got to thinking about college graduation. I graduate from college tomorrow. It’s so surreal; I still feel like the nervous freshman walking onto campus without any friends. But it’s bittersweet. Part of me is ready to move on, while the other part of me doesn’t want to let go. I’ve learned and I’ve grown in college, and for that, I will never be the same. I just need to remind myself that there is an exciting world outside of college. All I have to do is embrace it.

I got to thinking about hiding. We all hide behind something every day. Sometimes we hide behind our friends because it’s just too hard to branch out. Sometimes we hide behind our feelings, not wanting to admit that we’re dying inside. Sometimes we just hide our sad eyes behind sunglasses. And sometimes hiding is cathartic. But it’s certainly not cathartic when you’re hiding who you are. You don’t need to hide. You have to be who you are, let the world see your individuality and creativeness. Even if that means you have to do something unfavorable. You have to be yourself. If you aren’t, what else is there?

I got to thinking about being left out. That really hurts my feelings. You decided not to include me, like I was something that could be thrown to the wayside. Is that what you think of me? Is this how you see our friendship? And I never would’ve expected that from you. Maybe from her, but certainly not from you. I know that I should forgive you. Forgive and forget. But sometimes that doesn’t come easily. You broke my heart. And now I have to pick up the pieces. I hope you understand.

I got to thinking about living in the wrong century. I think I’m living in the wrong century. I’ve always been one of those people who believes that life was much simpler in the 1950s, the 1880s. There wasn’t technology; I’d be okay without the latest technology. But since I live in this technology-obsessed world, there’s a reason to have technology in my life, even if I’d much rather avoid it altogether. There also wasn’t an expectation to be rich and successful and perfectly thin and happy all the time. Life was about surviving. And honestly, I still think this is the most important thing to life. Unfortunately, society doesn’t share my views. If only I could make a time machine and see the world decades and decades ago… what would I think if I could travel back?

I got to thinking about resentment. We’ve all resented someone. We’ve all probably been resented, with or without our knowledge. Resentment is the most harmful when it comes into our romantic relationships. We shouldn’t expect our significant others to be anything other than themselves. So why do we? We hope that they’ll get the biggest paycheck in town or be the most respected person in the state. But what we don’t realize is that this is ultimately what we want for ourselves. It’s easier to wish they’ll get it. Our work is done. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen. If we want the biggest paycheck in our home, or whatever other goal we’re seeking, we have to go out and get it. We can’t resent other people for not getting what we want. And that shouldn’t make us love them any less. If we want something, we sure as hell better get it.