I got to thinking about running. No, not the satirical thing some call exercise. This kind of running comes from our loneliest thoughts. Sometimes we run away from feelings because it’s easier than putting our hearts out there. We run to escape pain. We run to find something more. We run because we’re afraid someone will find out who we are before we do. And sometimes this running will save us. We may find out who we are. But always know this: running will not solve those things lost in our hearts. We cannot run to avoid. We must run to liberate, and only when liberation must be sought.

I got to thinking about the things we don’t understand. For those cynically-inclined, we fear the things we cannot fathom. For those who tend to see the glass half full, we search for answers to the things we don’t understand. And it is only in this spirit when we can fully know how to accept those things we may understand after a long journey or may never come to understand. Sometimes the answers cannot be understood. And that is okay.

I got to thinking about death. Even though my mood can be “emo,” I am not talking about death in a morbid sense. I am merely trying to understand why death is sometimes more immediate for a 50-year-old than a 90-year-old. How can this be? Why does God choose to take those who still have tons of life ahead, like walking a daughter down the aisle? I’m not sure this concept can be understood. I would like to say that with the death of a loved one comes acceptance, but I would be lying. And I can’t do that. So in this time of mourning, hug those around you. Love them with everything you have. Death is sometimes sneaky.

I got to thinking about Ben Affleck. Today is his 40th birthday! For those of you who know me well acknowledge my love for Ben Affleck. And this is no ordinary love. This love has been since 1997, the year of Good Will Hunting and the year Ben Affleck’s truly eloquent writing skills entered into the public realm. One day I hope to be just as an amazing and published writer as he. After all, I have much to say! So here’s to Ben Affleck. Happy birthday! I will always celebrate. And you should, too!

I got to thinking about summer. There’s something magical about the summer season. This was the season I looked forward to most as a child. I was free from the boredom of school, the incredible amount of rain that winter and spring always brings, and I finally could enjoy some delicious fruit. I still love summer. Living in Los Angeles, summer is definitely less exciting, given the sunny and warm nature of the city year-round. The fascination with summer, though, will never cease. It is the season of weddings, tank tops, and swimming in the nearest lake. My favorite part about summer? That feeling at dusk when the air is still warm and a jacket isn’t necessary. That’s what makes summer truly memorable and lovely.

I got to thinking about distance versus silence. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that there isn’t a difference. There’s a huge difference. Distance is difficult. The feeling of being separated from those you love, for whatever reason, makes us stronger. Distance can give us clarity and confidence; distance can show us where we belong. But most of all, distance always brings
us back. Silence, however, is a demon in itself. Silence begins when we let go of someone or something. We separate ourselves to make things better. Sometimes we do not choose this silence, though. Silence ceases all things, changes all things. With distance, we can always go back. But with silence, we are changed forever. The moral of the story: don’t confuse distance with silence. Silence wreaks havoc upon all of our relationships; distance forces us to realize what we want.

I got to thinking about life experiences. Do we not have enough life experience until we are in
old age? At what point in life can say that our life experiences have made us who we are, have
defined us? Or can we ever? Must we go through something traumatic in order to garner life
experiences? Can those who live charmed and sheltered lives ever gain true life experience? I
am under the firm notion that life experience is based on how we see the world, what we do with
our time here. We do not need to be middle aged to understand the world. We must observe and
watch and write it all down. Seeing the world through others can be just as impacting.

I got to thinking about the day’s cards. This expression was recently said to me. The day’s cards
are loosely related to fate. Sometimes the day’s cards hold for us something spectacular, like
winning something we hadn’t expected. But sometimes the day’s cards give us a flat tire, or bad
news about a family member. We cannot predict the day’s cards. We cannot change the cards.
But we shouldn’t fear them, either, for if we fear the day’s cards the best of us will be gone
forever. Don’t let the day’s cards, the unpredictability of life, get in the way of happiness. Fate
will lead us to where we should be, anyway.

I got to thinking about decision. We make decisions every day, minor as well as life-changing. Sometimes, though, we would rather avoid something than make a decision. But what we don’t realize is that not making a decision is making a decision in itself. Why not control what little we can control in this life? If we choose to not make a decision, we are choosing to not intervene. But we must. It’s easy to intervene in our friends’ lives, but somehow, intervening in our own is a difficult feat. However, if we do not, we are giving away any kind of choice we have. So celebrate your choices. Make a decision.

I got to thinking about “thinspiration.” I cannot classify that as a real word. After hearing news that Kate Upton, the beautiful, slightly curvaceous (curvy to the industry’s ridiculous standards) model is “fat.” The blog, Skinny Gossip, claims that Kate Upton is “piggy.” So I had to rant.

These so-called “thinspiration” blogs make me mad. No, they make me disappointed. The industry has changed its ideal form of beauty in the last decade or so. If you’ve ever watched the original Beverly Hills 90210 (no not the crappy CW version), you’ve seen how the sizes of actresses have changed. Jennie Garth wasn’t rail thin, and certainly looked normal, and she was the queen bee.

So what has changed in the last ten years? I’d like to give the credit to pro-anorexia blogs. But I think it’s more about perception of self. If we stopped and looked at ourselves in the mirror occasionally, without judgment, we would see something beautiful. But that comes with acceptance. It isn’t necessary to be rail thin. In fact, I would argue that it takes much more courage to flaunt a body that isn’t just flesh and bone. And when you can do that, whatever size you are, that is when you’ll find your confidence, your sense of self. And those are the people we should celebrate. End of rant.