I got to thinking about suffering. There’s a point in life, after our naivete of childhood has ended, in which discover that the world isn’t perfect. People are flawed and things don’t always end up desirably. We suffer. Some suffer more than others, due in part to circumstances, fate, and timing. Some people are just supposed to suffer. But how do we change our fate? If we tend to suffer, if we don’t generally get what we want, unlike that perfect girl or boy everyone knew that seems to have it all, are we fated to suffer forever? Does he or she have it all? Or do they suffer just as much as us? Can we ever know? Suffering seems to be internalized. We can’t compare it to anyone else. We can’t attribute suffering to fate. We suffer because we let ourselves suffer. It’s time to end that.

I got to thinking about paradise. I dream of paradise. I know exactly what it looks like. I know exactly how it makes me feel. But I don’t know how to get there. I know it’s attainable; I know because I’ve seen it. I’ve had a taste of it. And I pray that it’s still there when I return. I need it. I thrive on it. Don’t we all need to find our paradise? Do we all find it? Or do some of us spend the rest of our lives’ looking? I believe that if you believe, you’ll find it, and you’ll live it. Paradise is about faith and patience.

I got to thinking about this. When is something too good to be true? Do we underestimate our talent when someone seeks us out and says we’re good at the thing we want so desperately? Or should we be wary? Is it too good to be true? And how can we know the difference? How can we be wise enough to know the difference? I wish I had the answers. There are days that I doubt my talent; I wonder if an opportunity or an email expressing a follow-up to my writing is real. Where can I draw the line? Should I have mere faith that it’s merit, and shouldn’t be so skeptical? Research into the odds? I do not know. I wish I knew.

This is an amazing snippet of Marina Keegan’s advice. I love it!

https://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/life-lessons-from-marina-keegan-posthumous-book-of-essays-184224610.html

The class of 2013 motto inspired me: “Life is not about finding yourself; life is about creating yourself” (George Bernard Shaw). And it’s true. You won’t become your best self by following the pack. You have seek out those things that will create the version of yourself you want to see in the mirror every morning. And honestly, that’s the scariest thing of all. But it’s also the bravest thing of all. And for that reason, I decided that I had to take the biggest risk of my life: pursue my dreams of becoming a novelist.

I’ve always been a dreamer. I never wanted to be like anyone else. Where there was a path, I took a different route. I’ve always felt that I had to follow my dreams, which got me to thinking about the difference between living and existing. What is this difference? Do we live to exist? Or exist to live? I find it to be like this: existing is going to that 9 to 5 job everyday that you don’t enjoy. It may bring in money, but it doesn’t satisfy you, it doesn’t make you want to be better, learn more, or seek out the utmost happiness. Then there is living. Living is doing what you love. Maybe this doesn’t produce much money, but at least you can say at the end of the day that you’re doing what you love, that you’re happy, that you’re following your dream. I’ve always found this to be a writer’s existence. We write because it makes us happy; that is really all we can ask for. I feel alive when I write; I can express myself in ways that I never knew were possible. This is my dream. And I will have a strong conviction to follow it. And you should, too, whatever those dreams may be.

Also, I knew I wouldn’t be happy with a 9 to 5 job staring at a computer all day long. And that doesn’t make that career undesirable, I just knew, for me personally, that it wasn’t my dream. And that’s why I chose to pursue screenwriting. And that’s probably why all of my screenwriting peers in the School of Film and Television chose the same path. We knew we had to have a taste of the thing we loved so much.

Of course, I knew I was taking a gamble with this taste of the creative, unpredictable world. I knew that we creative types don’t automatically get jobs until several or more months after graduation. Family and friends would constantly tell me, after hearing that I was pursuing something unconventional, that the path wouldn’t be easy, and that I was entering a competitive field. But isn’t every field competitive? And don’t we all, regardless of our dreams, have to work hard to pursue our dreams? Needless to say, those comments didn’t deter me from my dreams of being a writer.

But sometimes those comments would upset me. I remember one family member telling me that business or computer science or engineering were much smarter choices. And he’s probably right. But that doesn’t mean those majors were the right choices for me. I would’ve felt incompetent in any major outside of screenwriting. If there’s anything I’ve learned in this life, it’s that we have to do what makes us happy.

As the end of college looms above our heads, I ask you all to do one thing. Figure out what makes you happy. Some of you have, I’m sure. And I’ll be honest: knowing is just as scary as not knowing. So what makes you happy? Is it the outdoors? Is it the cool job somewhere far away from home? Is it following someone you love to another city? It could be anything. But you must understand that these choices force you to adjust. You can choose whatever life you want. Your opportunities are endless. And that’s pretty spectacular. But at the end of the day, you must ask yourself if that’s all worth it. If it isn’t, then you’ll never adjust. And that doesn’t make you weak. But it does show that your happiness lies elsewhere, maybe in a different field. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if you dislike something so much, and you’ve kept an open mind for the most part, then your answer is further away than you would’ve expected. We’ve all searched for something more, and then quickly realized that our passions are where our hearts are. And that’s okay: it makes us human. And we humans must be inspired to thrive.

So do what inspires you! Do what you’re passionate about. Don’t ever think that you can’t do something. You can always achieve your dreams; you just have to have three things: faith, utter passion, and undying drive. With faith, you will understand that trials and tribulations will emerge, and you will still believe in yourself through these obstacles. With utter passion, you won’t give up for the easy route; you will always take the harder, more rewarding route. And with undying drive, you will convince those around you that you’re determined to follow through, no matter the stakes. And sometimes this difficult path will make you unhappy or you’ll lose your confidence. That’s normal. But it’s how you overcome this fear of succeeding that matters. You can’t expect to be happy every day. But if you’re happy most of the time, then you’re in the right place. That’s all that matters.

And if you’re like me, and you don’t have a clear path yet, that’s okay. We don’t have all the answers at twenty-two. If we did, we’d all be millionaires by now! So promise me that you’ll do this: Focus on today. Not tomorrow. Not yesterday. Don’t worry about what you have to do. That doesn’t make life easier. Life will work itself out if you put in the effort. You can do anything you set your mind to. So always believe in yourself. I believe in you.

So be brave, follow your dream. You won’t regret living.

And congratulations, class of 2013!

I got to thinking about standing out. Without sounding high and mighty, I’ve always been one of those people who’s wanted to stand out. I never wanted to be the average girl on the playground. Creative to the core, my interest in sports was kicked to the curb early on, I found myself wanting to be a writer.  I found myself not putting up with people and situations that broke my heart. And I’ve lost friends because I’ve stood out, and stood up for myself. You pay a price when you stand out. I’ve found that, in most occasions, people don’t stand out because they don’t stand up for themselves. They’re not willing to pay the price. While we all can’t be headstrong and fight for what we want, I wish more people would be willing to stand out. It’s important to fight for what you believe in. Sometimes it doesn’t end well. But when it does, your life will forever be changed. And isn’t that what we all want?

I got to thinking about my journey. And your journey. Life is merely a journey we all embark on, everyday. It’s a journey of strife, of love, of acceptance, of faith. You cannot plan your journey, but you can choose the doors to open and the windows to escape from when all the doors have shut. And not everyone will accept your choices. The windows you choose to sneak out of may not be what they would’ve chosen. Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t have to. It’s not for them. You can never compare journeys. You must simply do what is right for you. And with that, the strife will become smaller, the love will become deeper, the acceptance will become more clear, and the faith will become more real.

I got to thinking about mistakes. Are we better if we make mistakes? Are we more competent, more creative, more aware? Do we become a closer version to our destined selves? Or do we veer off the path and just hope to make it back on track? Should we make it back on track? Or is life better, easier, more liberating if we do something different? I’ve learned that mistakes will lead us where we should be, where we want to be. But you must learn from your mistakes as well. Make a lot of mistakes. You’ll be forced to grow and learn and see the world in a  better way. And that’s the only thing that matters. Truly.

I came across this wonderful quote from Barbra Streisand recently. I thought I would share it. “I don’t think anyone should underestimate the power of their own voice… you are the women we’ve been waiting for.” I’d like to think she is talking about me, too.

I got to thinking about the dreams of children. I know that children dream of becoming ballerinas, astronauts, actors, and the like. I know this because I told my parents at age five that I was going to be an artist. This was never attainable, given that my stick figures need serious work. But at age eleven, I knew I was going to be a writer. And I haven’t wavered. I know that being a writer is also a child’s dream, but that’s how I know it is real. It’s what I’ve wanted to do before I was cynical, before I was afraid of failing. The innocence of my dream is utterly real and cannot be denied. While becoming a writer isn’t an easy thing, it is my dream. It has been for twelve years. That has to stand for something, right? I sure think so.