I got to thinking about abandonment. Maybe this is a dramatic term for what has happened to me. But maybe it isn’t, after all, it’s how I feel. And should I deny my feelings?

My publisher announced on Friday that it would close its figurative doors. They plan to remove all of our books from Amazon, iTunes, and Barnes and Noble. And in just 30 days. I will lose my “published author” status come June 1st. And you know what? I am heartbroken. There has been a ton of work that I, and my team, have put into my first book. Without much warning, all that work is going away. And somehow, I am losing my dream. I am angry and sad and depressed. I haven’t been talking much: just thinking and going through pro and con lists in my head, listening to “Rootless Tree” by Damien Rice over and over. Should I self-publish? Should I try again for another small publisher? Honestly, I have no idea.

I just want my dream back. I am disheartened that my dream could just be stripped away in a simple email. How could they do this to all of us? HOW?? But at the end of the day, I am a fighter. I have always been the girl who doesn’t give up. I can’t give up. I want this so badly. It hurts so much, but I have to fight for it. I won’t be happy in this life without writing and sharing that writing with the world.

So my decision is to be determined… please stay tuned. I will be back. No one can stop me. No one can abandon me. NEVER. I just need another facet.